High School: The Way too Longest Yard

Back in 8th grade, our teachers would threaten us with tales of high school, telling us we were "unprepared" and "stop chewing your desk, they don't do that in high school," among other gems of advice. And in 8th grade, as the end of the year came faster than a rocket-powered cheetah, we hunkered down and prayed that somehow, our graduation would be delayed by that Jell-O factory across the street flooding our school, trapping us in blissful middle school-dom forever.

But not anymore. We're big boys and girls in high school. Much to the chagrin of any living thing that crosses the street once in awhile, many high school students can drive. We've taken our tests, finished our classes, did what we had to do... and the end of the year is still just a speck on the horizon. Why?

An adequate summation of how every high school senior feels

Midterms Loom Like Bucktoothed Giants

For some reason, college students have their finals in our third month of school, something which makes a startlingly small amount of sense to me. We, on the other hand, have midterms (spoiler alert) at the end of January. Besides a late-night cram session or two, midterms signify the academic middle of the year for us. These midterms will be the last where most teachers have taught at least 45%+ of the material actually on the midterm and some teachers literally just hand out old tests hastily stapled together... In other words, midterms remind us that we're nearly done with our school year. But even those are so far away...

Pictured: A recurring theme of all education

Senioritis Strikes Fast and Furiously. Jk, *struck

As seniors vie and plot towards the end of senior year, teachers haven't come to grips with the fact that senioritis is no longer an innocent flu strain or benign academic tumor; au contraire, it's a contagion and pandemic long come and gone that has shattered what little work ethic and discipline anyone might've had in high school. Some survivors have made it this far; some succumbed during a period of relative calm known as "Stage Freshmania," but noone will manage to retain their virility after midterms, when senioritis spreads faster than a fire in a gasoline and heating oil shop... that is to say, very quickly.

Welcome to senioritis.

Teachers Demand And Assign As if We Cared

It's not that we're not motivated... it's just that we don't really care anymore. With palm trees and college dorms glistening in the distance like beautiful, rapturing dewdrops, who can blame us? Teachers can. Many of us, persisting with what little of our work ethic has been spared from senioritis, have delved into a world of AP classes and all of the courses we previously weren't able to take because of our "inability to do algebra" or "lack of basic reading and writing skills," whatever those are supposed to mean. And so, our fine educators see fit to give us work, and boy, do they give us work. See my previous post on unruly teachers for more details on this one.

After Christmas break, every teacher starts acting like this.

The Destination Outshines the Road

Though that line reads much like the slovenly poetry of a disgruntled english major in college, it rings true nonetheless. We want high school to end, well, because every end is the beginning of another... beginning? What? Huh? That's definitely not how that quote goes... anyway, 99% of seniors plan on going to college. Applications, interviews, FAFSA, and 200,000$ of student debt... nevermind all of that. It's college, an impending era of independence and stupidity which holds a universal appeal to high schoolers. College: High school 3.0. If you want to party for a week straight with only a loincloth on, you can. If staying in your dorm room for an entire semester and avoiding sunlight altogether is your thing, go for it. Eating only microwaved ramen and peeing only in empty ramen containers floats your boat? Float on, 'cap. Only when we get there will we all realize that college will be nothing like the advertisements of smiling chicks and professors that have a sense of humanity about them. In fact, safe to say that college will be more hellish than high school: more work, less free time, more jerks, less home food, ad infinitum. 

entering college after high school:
also like this

But that's when we get there. Imagine seeing a beautiful island glistening in the sun far, far away and instinctively moving towards it as fast as humanly possible, only to realize you've hit the Pacific Garbage Rift once there. Welcome to College Introduction 101!